my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
