im about as happy as oj after his trial
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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