We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
