2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
