Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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