Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
