It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
