that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
