Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
