Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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