OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
