youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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