No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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