the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize