Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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