DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
