Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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