Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
