I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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