I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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