He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
