dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
