i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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