my phone needs a breathalizer
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
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