4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize