Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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