We're facebook friends in real life
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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