Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize