Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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