just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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