i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize