my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
