Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
