she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
