What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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