non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
