I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My friends, they love my intelligence
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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