My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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