Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize