And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
People in love make me want to vomit
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
