she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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