I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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