Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
