Duck Duck Cougar?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
