smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize