She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
