If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
