Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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