Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
