...so i touched it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
