she woke up with a sticky ear
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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