Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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