i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
