3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
