Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize