Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
