where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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