i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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