i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize