I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
