I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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