We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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