Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ttyl tear gas
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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