Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
