You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
