have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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