I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
